Anyone with a fiery, beating heart knows deep down dragons are the epitome of awesome. I mean that in the truest sense, too: Beast that inspire awe.

That said, what I want to know is why on this beautiful, green earth scientists haven’t mixed some genes up to create these ferocious beasts. You know there’s the capability out there to, if not create them just yet, discover how to create them. Therefore, I shall appeal to the reasonable, forward-seeing scientists out there.

You can use science magic to make them safe

A tame dragon would be just as epic as a wild one, if not possibly cooler. You learn this in Pokemon: Captured ones grow even stronger than the ones out in the wild.

While billowing flames are totally cool, we could maybe tone that down a bit. You really can’t do without talons and horns, but you could probably convince the creatures that humans are not food, so there’s that.

They could be the new car

You and I both know cars are so boring compared to monstrous, flying creatures. You’d get the wind in your hair–if you have some–and all the other scientists will be drooling with envy or desire, depending on your preference.

Just think about it: The boss has some fancy shindig at his place, and you’re really worried about making a good impression. What better impression is there than a dragon crashing into their yard?

Bodyguard

Would you fight a dragon?

Think of the sales

No matter how much the dragon costs, people will be lining up to sell their belongings, their houses, maybe even their kids for one of them. It’s a total cash cow.

Even if the dragon is not accepted for sales to civilians, you could sell them to the military. Dragons would be integral to protecting our fine country.

But if you’re not interested…

Okay, that was a long shot, but now it’s time to appeal to my real audience. A dragon is a mad scientist’s wet dream. I know if I was bent on any nefarious deed, from robbing a bank all the way up to taking over the world, I’d want a dragon by my side.

We already talked about it being a great bodyguard, but I didn’t really go into detail for the snobs. A dragon is an incredibly intelligent, independent creature, and it wouldn’t just blindly follow–despite what I told the other guys. However, there are plenty of people in the world who’d be happy to follow orders blindly for you, so that’s not what you really need. What you need is a creature with tremendous power who can work out conquering the world on its own, but why would it listen to you?

It’s simple, really: Dragons want gold, but they’re not exactly savvy with technology. They’re more…magical experts, as it were. Therefore, you use your technology to find gold and, provided you offer it more than the competition–and considering your lack of scruples, that should be no problem–it will work for you.

If you’re worried about it wanting to take over the world over your dead body, don’t. Much like cats, the reason dragons won’t use their powers to conquer is because, to put it simply, they would much rather take a nap. Dragons like gold more than naps, true, but it would be much easier to get that with your help.

And come on, who wouldn’t want to go down in history as the Mother or Father of Dragons–in addition to the first World Conqueror?

You know you want to…

And if that convinces you, remind me to tell you about my plans for a world of Pokemon.